Dear Mike's Hard Lemonade,

Today I ran after a beer distributor guy at Target and asked him a very important question:

Where the hell are the Mike's Light Hard Cranberry Lemonade? The ones that only have 98 calories??? All I see on the Target shelves these days are the 220-250 calorie offenders.... and you and I both know we've already talked about those.

Mr. Beer Distributor Guy looked at me sadly and said,

"They've been discontinued."

I feel melancholy and infinite sadness.